“Hindsight is always twenty-twenty”
-Billy Wilder
At the ripe old age of 17, as I sit and ponder over my experiences in this world, I have come to a rather simple conclusion, that I was a fool in the years preceding my adolescent enlightenment. Though I see myself to be the epitome of the three “I’s” of adolescence, Immortal, Invincible and infertile, the more sober part of my brain tells me that I will one day see my current self the way I see my pre-pubescent incarnation. I suppose in some ways, I am jealous of the simplicity that was my life, I long for the time when I could successfully be a ninja, pirate and caterpillar before lunch, when I could fall asleep in the car and know my mum would transport me to my bed, most importantly however, I miss the days when I did not have to justify my actions. When one asks a child why he did something, his or her response is simply because they wanted to, because the nature of the thing exited them. In contrast, when one asks someone of my age why we did a certain thing, we are expected to give a step by step, logically cataloged documentation; often times we do not know why we did the thing we are being asked to explain, but we are so used to defending our actions that we fabricate a tale fit for court. Sadly, this reaction has become an instinct in me, but my younger, more honest self was blissful in the acceptance of his actions, not having lain to those around him, and himself as to why he was jumped of that, or why he would try that. The following paragraphs are my advice to a younger self, knowing what I do now, and trying to gear him towards becoming a less cynical teenager.
To myself age 5:
Remember when you were three, and you got bored of being three, so you decided that you were going to be five for two years. Though I don’t remember the decision I made, I remember how affected I was when I actually hit my fifth year on this earth, I had my first existential crisis. You have a while until you need to worry about how old you actually are, and until then all you should think about is if you will ever reach the “ride alone” height limit for Thorpe Park. Other than Thorpe park, you have nothing to worry about, you know what makes you happy by instinct, so all you have to do to be happy is instinctively do what you know makes you happy.
To myself age 8:
Welcome to the twilight zone. You aren’t a teenager, but you are now too self-conscious to be the same kid you were last time I talked to you. You want to watch the same shows you did when you were a kid, but you are learning about so much taboo stuff that you want to know more about. Thrown into this you see the big kids about to go into Middle School, and they seem to have things sorted out. They don’t. Trust me on this one. The best piece I could give you now is to learn, not in school (you learn that in Middle School anyway, don’t bother) but in life, learn as much as you can about Donatello, Michelangelo, Rafael and Leonardo, explore your neighborhood, perfect your plan for the zombie invasion and learn to do something you like. These things matter infinitely more than memorizing your multiplication tables (I don’t know them.. you really don’t need them). One final thing, read a book. Get lost in someone’s world and find yourself immersed in their mind, it can be just William, no one expects you to read platonic verses yet. Enjoy you as you are.
To myself age 9:
Let’s be honest, you haven’t changed much since I saw you last, but there is one huge change headed your way, double digits. It’s exiting right? I know I could barely sleep the night before my birthday, I saw it as a gateway to adulthood, I had the notion that I would suddenly sprout chest hair and talk like Harrison Ford (Han Solo, you wont know who Harrison Ford is for another 4 years). Sadly this isn’t true, but you keep believing that. What I wanted to warn you about is you are going to have a lot of people tell you that “you are ten now, almost a man” and that you “aren’t a kid anymore” yet these are the same people who will continue to treat you like a child. You are not a man yet, you are a kid so don’t feel ashamed to act like one and do what makes you happy, not what you think will make them happy.
To myself age 12:
One more year and you are an official teenager. Scary stuff. Sadly, no one properly knows how to be a teenager, I haven’t figured it out yet, nor do I feel close to figuring it out. By now you have seen your cousins grow up and no matter what you can do they always seem to be a few steps ahead of you (slight problem, with them being eight and nine years older than you). Age seems to mean a lot more at that age, you automatically exert yourself in the presence of anyone with –teen suffixed to their age so that they will not see you as the lowly, measly 12 year-old you are. Though it may hurt to hear this, they know what you are doing so calm down, you have more a greater chance of being accepted if you are honest about who you are (I know I sound like mum, but she has a point for once). Remember what I told you when you were nine? That still applies, and it only get’s worse. Those who told you that “you are a young man now” will say the exact same thing as before, which renders their original statement of three years ago erroneous, and throws this current one into question. You are old enough to know that if you want to do something, then do it. You are old enough to know that just because adults say something should be said no to, that does not mean you say no to it but you are not old enough to be fully held accountable for your actions so do not let people tell you that “you are a young man” or that “you are not a child anymore” you are simply enough who you choose to be, to be something you will be proud of.
To myself age 15: do it. You are conscious enough to know what you want, and smart enough to get it, so go get it. Trust me, it’s one a two-year difference, but you will regret what you don’t do.
From a logical point of view, this is all very sound advice. There is only one problem, me. Knowing myself as I do, I would probably not heed this advice, as I always know better, even my five-year-old self would often correct his professors; this view could also just be the cynical 17 year-old projecting himself onto his younger self. Despite my skepticism however, I have had a spectacular life full of beautiful memories and great experiences, so if I had to give only one message to myself it would be not to fear change, take it in stride and walk through life with a grin.
-Billy Wilder
At the ripe old age of 17, as I sit and ponder over my experiences in this world, I have come to a rather simple conclusion, that I was a fool in the years preceding my adolescent enlightenment. Though I see myself to be the epitome of the three “I’s” of adolescence, Immortal, Invincible and infertile, the more sober part of my brain tells me that I will one day see my current self the way I see my pre-pubescent incarnation. I suppose in some ways, I am jealous of the simplicity that was my life, I long for the time when I could successfully be a ninja, pirate and caterpillar before lunch, when I could fall asleep in the car and know my mum would transport me to my bed, most importantly however, I miss the days when I did not have to justify my actions. When one asks a child why he did something, his or her response is simply because they wanted to, because the nature of the thing exited them. In contrast, when one asks someone of my age why we did a certain thing, we are expected to give a step by step, logically cataloged documentation; often times we do not know why we did the thing we are being asked to explain, but we are so used to defending our actions that we fabricate a tale fit for court. Sadly, this reaction has become an instinct in me, but my younger, more honest self was blissful in the acceptance of his actions, not having lain to those around him, and himself as to why he was jumped of that, or why he would try that. The following paragraphs are my advice to a younger self, knowing what I do now, and trying to gear him towards becoming a less cynical teenager.
To myself age 5:
Remember when you were three, and you got bored of being three, so you decided that you were going to be five for two years. Though I don’t remember the decision I made, I remember how affected I was when I actually hit my fifth year on this earth, I had my first existential crisis. You have a while until you need to worry about how old you actually are, and until then all you should think about is if you will ever reach the “ride alone” height limit for Thorpe Park. Other than Thorpe park, you have nothing to worry about, you know what makes you happy by instinct, so all you have to do to be happy is instinctively do what you know makes you happy.
To myself age 8:
Welcome to the twilight zone. You aren’t a teenager, but you are now too self-conscious to be the same kid you were last time I talked to you. You want to watch the same shows you did when you were a kid, but you are learning about so much taboo stuff that you want to know more about. Thrown into this you see the big kids about to go into Middle School, and they seem to have things sorted out. They don’t. Trust me on this one. The best piece I could give you now is to learn, not in school (you learn that in Middle School anyway, don’t bother) but in life, learn as much as you can about Donatello, Michelangelo, Rafael and Leonardo, explore your neighborhood, perfect your plan for the zombie invasion and learn to do something you like. These things matter infinitely more than memorizing your multiplication tables (I don’t know them.. you really don’t need them). One final thing, read a book. Get lost in someone’s world and find yourself immersed in their mind, it can be just William, no one expects you to read platonic verses yet. Enjoy you as you are.
To myself age 9:
Let’s be honest, you haven’t changed much since I saw you last, but there is one huge change headed your way, double digits. It’s exiting right? I know I could barely sleep the night before my birthday, I saw it as a gateway to adulthood, I had the notion that I would suddenly sprout chest hair and talk like Harrison Ford (Han Solo, you wont know who Harrison Ford is for another 4 years). Sadly this isn’t true, but you keep believing that. What I wanted to warn you about is you are going to have a lot of people tell you that “you are ten now, almost a man” and that you “aren’t a kid anymore” yet these are the same people who will continue to treat you like a child. You are not a man yet, you are a kid so don’t feel ashamed to act like one and do what makes you happy, not what you think will make them happy.
To myself age 12:
One more year and you are an official teenager. Scary stuff. Sadly, no one properly knows how to be a teenager, I haven’t figured it out yet, nor do I feel close to figuring it out. By now you have seen your cousins grow up and no matter what you can do they always seem to be a few steps ahead of you (slight problem, with them being eight and nine years older than you). Age seems to mean a lot more at that age, you automatically exert yourself in the presence of anyone with –teen suffixed to their age so that they will not see you as the lowly, measly 12 year-old you are. Though it may hurt to hear this, they know what you are doing so calm down, you have more a greater chance of being accepted if you are honest about who you are (I know I sound like mum, but she has a point for once). Remember what I told you when you were nine? That still applies, and it only get’s worse. Those who told you that “you are a young man now” will say the exact same thing as before, which renders their original statement of three years ago erroneous, and throws this current one into question. You are old enough to know that if you want to do something, then do it. You are old enough to know that just because adults say something should be said no to, that does not mean you say no to it but you are not old enough to be fully held accountable for your actions so do not let people tell you that “you are a young man” or that “you are not a child anymore” you are simply enough who you choose to be, to be something you will be proud of.
To myself age 15: do it. You are conscious enough to know what you want, and smart enough to get it, so go get it. Trust me, it’s one a two-year difference, but you will regret what you don’t do.
From a logical point of view, this is all very sound advice. There is only one problem, me. Knowing myself as I do, I would probably not heed this advice, as I always know better, even my five-year-old self would often correct his professors; this view could also just be the cynical 17 year-old projecting himself onto his younger self. Despite my skepticism however, I have had a spectacular life full of beautiful memories and great experiences, so if I had to give only one message to myself it would be not to fear change, take it in stride and walk through life with a grin.